I’ve been so stressing about a lot of things lately. When I am stressed I tend to stop whatever I’m doing and try to clear my mind from anything (and stress-eat of course – i just bought 3 ice cream sticks) to prevent messing things up even more. I know I can’t avoid stress. I just need to learn how to cope with it. I decided to make this blog entry to help myself de-stress, believe me, I’m no expert, I’m the worst. I just messaged Mozart saying that I need a hug so bad because I’m so stressed out and that it’s already showing on my face.. The common steps to deal with stress are: 1. getting enough sleep 2. eating properly 3. staying organized 4. stop worrying about something you can’t change 5. meditation and yoga (badly needed) 6. ask help from loved ones. I can’t promise myself that I can do all those steps but I have my own way of dealing with it. I worry way too much. Even the smallest things. When I was in elementary, I used to write all my problems on the last page of my notebook. I do this when I feel like I’ve reached the dead end. And opposite my list, I would write “when” will each problem be solved. I don’t know, it makes me feel a bit better. I makes me feel that those difficult times are not permanent. So I’ve decided to make one right now.
Here’s what got into my list:
Disclaimer: This isn’t a “how-to” post. More like a rant-post.
- PLAN OF GOING HOME FOR AUGUST DAYS OFF IS NOT GOING SO WELL. – Will be gone probably if my China pairing miraculously disappears from my flight schedule or if I find a solution to get longer days off. This is the main contributor of my stress. Connecting my days off for August and September so I can stay longer is the original plan. We already had a plan and I promised Mozart that I’d come home. I’ve done this before and I was able to stay in the Philippines for like 20 days. Almost like a month vacation. Unfortunately, we weren’t advised that we’ll be having our transition in August. We were forced to bid transition lines (every month, we bid for our monthly flight schedule, the higher the seniority, the more chances to get your desired schedule). Meaning we have to transfer from our category to another. Which also means we need to attend a 5-day training for our third aircraft qualification. Transferring to another qualification means we’ll be the most junior on that category which means lesser chances of getting our priority schedule which means it’s harder to get long days off.:(( We could trade flights but its also hard to find someone who wants/needs your flight and has the days off that you need. I swear we tried everything. I was able to trade one pairing. But I still need to trade my China pairing so I can go home earlier. Unfortunately, no one wants to get China flights. *sighhhhh* Karma please, not nowwww.
- I NEED TO GET CHINA VISA IF I’M GOING TO OPERATE THAT CHINA PAIRING, HASSLE!!!! – see number 1
- I NEED TO GET MY RENEWED PASSPORT FROM THE PHILIPPINE EMBASSY HERE IN JEDDAH. – will probably be gone maybe tomorrow or after tomorrow since it’s my day off. Though I’m already expecting my passport photo to look worse than the one I have now, I still feel a sense of accomplishment since I’ve been stressing about my expiring passport for quite a while. Update: I forgot it’s Friday and they’re closed on Fridays and I have Cairo tomorrow. *sighhhhh I should’ve gotten it yesterday. I know, I know.
- FIGHTING THE URGE TO GET MYSELF A CREDIT CARD. – will probably be gone once I finally get myself one, lol. I told myself I would never get a credit card, at least not soon, because I don’t think I can handle more responsibilities and I just don’t trust myself enough yet. I hate grown-up stuff! But I realized, it’s really a need especially in emergencies or when you travel or for online stuff. But it’s not a priority..
- UNFAITHFUL PEOPLE – will probably be gone once I stop worrying about other people’s shenanigans. Chill, this is not a shade for my boyfriend, I gotta give it to him, he’s been genuinely honest and loyal to me given that we’re in a long-distance relationship. I’m so proud of how he deals with it. I’m not saying our relationship is all fun and perfect. But at least we know it’s real. At least we’re honest with each other and with ourselves. We talk about almost everything, secrets we don’t even tell our friends, even about the girls who are trying to hit on him while I’m away. I feel glad that Mozart and I have this understanding. And I’d like to keep it like that.. I am talking about people around us. I feel that I shouldn’t post it here and it’s not my business but it’s a major stress contributor to me and I really feel the need of venting it out (and this is my blog, so..). It’s like almost all the couples I adore isn’t so “strong” after all. (See fuckboy/fuckgirl). Believe me, they seem so perfect.. I feel sad. The feeling is like when you realize the love that made you believe in love is now dead or really just tearing-at-the-seams-fake. I cannot understand how some people can kiss or make love or whatever with somebody else and can still look straight in their partner’s/(even their child’s) eyes. Without any guilt. And then kiss and make love to them too. Seriously, that’s fucked up. Especially when the other girl/guy is very loyal and does everything she/he could for their relationship. Just to be cheated on? Is that even love? It’s selfish. And then they’d look so lovey-dovey on social media. Well you’re not fooling anyone. At least not me. I don’t know. Maybe I don’t really understand. But what the fuck? At least try to be honest with yourselves. You can never justify what you did/do no matter how good you could vouch for yourself. The real victim is you.
- I JUST GOT MY PERIOD – will probably be gone after a week. You guys, I knew it! Probably why I was so stressed and emotional recently. PMS.
So yeah, those are my usual stressors. Enumerating it made me realize that I just need to learn to stop running away from grown-up stuff slash responsibilities (which is very hard for me) and stop worrying about other people’s problems too much and all the unconscious judging (I swear I’m working on it). Easier said than done, huh? But since I started drafting this blog post, I’ve tried to eat healthier (after 3 ice cream sticks and a pint of vanilla ice cream), took a swim for exercise and tried to sleep on time. Baby steps, guys.
P.S. Katy Perry’s new song Rise is my new anthem. Very empowering. You did it again my Katy, genius lyrics as always.<3